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March 15, 2002
Crustybubble: a survivor's story
One of my random quotes is about depression. I'm feeling up at the moment, so I want to try and describe what depression is like.
The main thing is that the phone doesn't ring.
There are other things about it, but that's the main one. The phone just doesn't ring.
So, let's just imagine that you're at home, and you've been home for some time, and the phone hasn't rung in several weeks. These days, my name for this state of affairs is depression. But for a while there I experimented with calling it other things, such as "Trevor" and "Crustybubble," but I ended up just calling it depression. I just didn't have the energy to try to get "Crustybubble" accepted by medical authorities.
But in retrospect, I should've tried harder. I just think the word looks better, especially in headlines. And if you need proof, try these: "Crustybubble afflicts one in five Australians" and "Top tips for bursting the Crustybubble."
Crustybubble works by tricking you into thinking that all the pain and sadness isn't just a passing emotion; that it's actually reality.
So once you're locked into a cycle of sadness there's no point trying to fight it, or get out of it, because this is now your life, and always will be. And your new view of reality is that the pain will never stop; that no one will ever want to talk to you again; that you will never achieve anything ... and that you may as well as get used to this state of affairs.
Accepting this warped view of things means that you're in the running to win Crustybubble's booby prize: the belief that at least you're being sensible, and reasonable, and behaving like an adult.
As far as booby prizes go, this is one of the most useless in existence. But as far as clever tricks go, Crustybubble's ability to distort reality is one of the most effective.
But there are ways out of it. First, do anything you can to make contact with people. Do anything you can think of to make the phone ring. (Handy tip: this may mean ringing other people first.)
And secondly, call it Crustybubble. Even the worst afflictions are lessened by being called something completely ludicrous.
Sometimes I wonder if using a big flash computer is actually helping me or not. It's great for adding things, but not so useful for finishing things.
I'm doing another little bit of housesitting (just for three nights); and all I have here is a tape recorder and access to a guitar and a piano. And I've written more music this afternoon than I have all year.Posted by Sean Hegarty at 10:30 PM in the Reflective category | Comments (0)
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